FastFreddy2 Posted October 18, 2017 Report Share Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) 6 hours ago, Russ in boots said: My wife told me my nephew definitely saw my boots were built up inside, as I knelt down to open a cupboard and the back of the boots was clearly visible. He looked at her and then looked away. No doubt the rest of the family will also be informed, although it's quite possible they already know, seeing I wore them at their house last weekend. Te following comment seems without empathy, but be assured that is very much not the case .... You were/are fully aware, this situation was inevitable, given your completely understandable choice of wearing what you are comfortable wearing, rather what the social norm demands. You are a crusader of sorts, and there is always a price to pay for being a crusader. Hopefully, this situation will not lead to your martyrdom too. You have a fall-back position; your bad back. A boot with a hidden heel (aka lift) while being something of an innovative medical solution, happens to be something of a contributor to why the boots are worn. As politicians will agree, tell a lie often enough, even the liar will believe the lie is the truth. Under no circumstances, falter from the company line! 4 hours ago, Shyheels said: One would hope that would be no more than a tempest in a teapot, if that. it really is astounding that, for some socially impoverished people, the least breaking of the fashion mound can be a big deal. I’d put it right out of my mind if I were you. If their lives and world are that small, it’s their issue not yours. Move on. I don't know that Mrs R-I-B is going to let you put it out of your mind, but a 'united front' may well help with any fall-out, if there is any. I have my doubts much will come of this openly. We Brits have a taste for discretion, keeping things in closets, and burying anything that might be embarrassing. If you get any response to this event at all, it'll be third hand and like a Chinese whisper, barely discernible. In America, I'm sure there would be a family-wide intervention. In the UK it'll be; "You know Russ, he's always had a thing for shoes," End of event. Edited October 18, 2017 by FastFreddy2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 I'm not worried about it but it would be easier if things were out in the open and they were OK with it. Those boots are a bit hot indoors... It's possible they already knew anyway, as my nephews and niece are contemporary and friendly with the youngster who discovered a pair of six inch sandals last year. I told that one I wore them for the sake of my back but I'm not sure those sandals were in the 'sake of' category!!! I have a new pair of 4.5 inch block heel boots off Ebay, which are comfortable and amazingly quiet to walk in. Not sure what my wife would think, as I've got a couple of new pairs recently that she's seen - identical to ones I wear a lot; getting them when I see them. I've pretty well worn out my second pair of my favourite wedge boots (as in my avatar but dyed black) and am glad to have three pairs in reserve! I'll walk home from work in my new ones later - about a mile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 On 19/10/2017 at 12:11 AM, FastFreddy2 said: Te following comment seems without empathy, but be assured that is very much not the case .... You were/are fully aware, this situation was inevitable, given your completely understandable choice of wearing what you are comfortable wearing, rather what the social norm demands. You are a crusader of sorts, and there is always a price to pay for being a crusader. Hopefully, this situation will not lead to your martyrdom too. You have a fall-back position; your bad back. A boot with a hidden heel (aka lift) while being something of an innovative medical solution, happens to be something of a contributor to why the boots are worn. As politicians will agree, tell a lie often enough, even the liar will believe the lie is the truth. Under no circumstances, falter from the company line! I don't know that Mrs R-I-B is going to let you put it out of your mind, but a 'united front' may well help with any fall-out, if there is any. I have my doubts much will come of this openly. We Brits have a taste for discretion, keeping things in closets, and burying anything that might be embarrassing. If you get any response to this event at all, it'll be third hand and like a Chinese whisper, barely discernible. In America, I'm sure there would be a family-wide intervention. In the UK it'll be; "You know Russ, he's always had a thing for shoes," End of event. I agree with your empathyless comment. I really want them to know and accept, so am trying to break them in gently rather than rub their noses in 'women's' shoes. I think the younger generation are generally more accepting anyway. It's interesting talking to my younger son about problems he's come across, and he says things have changed even in a few years. He's now 26 and works in schools as a music teacher, and organises tours etc. One thing he had to sort out was an issue with a 14-year-old girl who wanted to be a boy, 'trapped in the wrong body', as the saying goes. At school this has to be respected, and the parents are kept in the dark about it. Apparently she'd come out to them a year or so previously and they'd hit the roof. My son had to organise a trip where the kids slept several to a room, but he had the problem of which sex to treat her as! In the end she had a room by herself. He had to liaise with the education authorities to make sure everything was done by the political correctness book. What he says is that it's a non-event to most of the other kids, while just a few years ago she'd have been mercilessly teased and probably victimised and assaulted. I wear my concealed heel boots with him and his girlfriend around, and I know he's noticed my wedges too. I wore them to drive him to the station a few months ago, and he was glancing at my feet. He doesn't know my 'bad back' reason but he might not even care anyway. His girlfriend is one of the loveliest and most open girls I've ever met, and she wears heels regularly so would probably empathise with me wearing them even if only as a fashion statement. I have an idea from one or two things that have been said that she'd quite like to dress a man in a skirt. Who knows - she might do that regularly with my son??? Perhaps he wears heels too??? They share a flat so could be getting up to all kinds of things... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 12 minutes ago, Russ in boots said: I wear my concealed heel boots with him and his girlfriend around, and I know he's noticed my wedges too. I wore them to drive him to the station a few months ago, and he was glancing at my feet. He doesn't know my 'bad back' reason but he might not even care anyway. His girlfriend is one of the loveliest and most open girls I've ever met, and she wears heels regularly so would probably empathise with me wearing them even if only as a fashion statement. I have an idea from one or two things that have been said that she'd quite like to dress a man in a skirt. Who knows - she might do that regularly with my son??? Perhaps he wears heels too??? They share a flat so could be getting up to all kinds of things... In your position, or if I found myself in identical circumstances, I would not be able to resist engineering a way to entice some conversation about shoes and heels. It's just too much of a temptation.... Strategically, you could do with an ally or allies. Seems you might have them lined up anyway? Both your son (who seems like someone you are doubtless very proud of) and his girlfriend are two people who can be trusted. If Mrs R-I-B could be induced to helping, perhaps she could ask the girlfriend discreetly and informally, what she thinks of a man wearing (essentially) girls shoes by way of a girl-to-girl chat? Of course this notion might be completely unrealistic (I don't know your circumstances), but you are steadily moving toward a fairly open position about your heels, and I would think the longer you can have some control over the situation (as little as that might be) the better for you if a 'damage limitation' position is necessary. That's when having some additional family support might be helpful in maintaining some balance to a situation that could all too easily turn sour. I suppose the overall thinking is that bringing anyone 'onboard' with your shoe wearing, is going easier with greater chance of success doing it one household at a time, rather than having to confront a larger group who might already have made up their minds. Though I also feel you would/will have less of a battle than most of us. Given what you have revealed about how accommodating Mrs R-I-B has been, and how some of your immediate family might be just as supportive, I'm hoping to hear some good news in the not-too-distant future. On a side note, I was very pleased to read about the 14 year old who is getting support for her emotional needs, where her parents are not so obliging. We lost a family friend who had the same 'problem' and who didn't find the confusion easy to deal with. The truly upsetting thing is that having decided to go the journey and transition - so seemingly happy about the way forward - a night of bingeing on alcohol brought about a set of unfortunate circumstances and the loss of her life. Unlike the 14 year old mention, the family friend had support from everyone around her, but years of being confused about how she felt and why she felt, had taken its toll. No-one thinks self-harm was intentional, but a life-style created as a coping mechanism, may have gotten out of control. The conclusion I reached from this, was that it isn't possible to be overly-careful in these situations, especially with children who seem to be susceptible to giving in to dark thoughts simply because their age makes them prone to emotional extremes. As we read more and more every week, it appears there is a lot more 'gender middle ground' that had previously been realised. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 It's also in business settings where I need to get other people comfortable with them. Last evening I went with my wife to a business meeting with about 60-70 there. I wore my concealed heels - I have no idea if anyone noticed, but I wondered whether I could have worn something with a visible heel. I hadn't been to one of these meetings for several years but I know a lot of the people who were there. I was glad I wore the heels as I was standing chatting for nearly an hour afterwards. However, as it was so long since I'd been to one of those meetings I'd never previously worn heels. But again, would anyone have cared? Another challenge is going to be a visit to head office next week. Concealed or wedges? I'll be with my wife and travelling by train. The wedges would be far more comfortable and I've worn them across London before, but again, I'll be meeting people I've known for a while, none of whom have seen me in heels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 2 hours ago, Russ in boots said: However, as it was so long since I'd been to one of those meetings I'd never previously worn heels. But again, would anyone have cared? People who like to gossip, will gossip, it's what people do. Those who aren't phased by that sort of thing, will take it in their stride. 2 hours ago, Russ in boots said: Another challenge is going to be a visit to head office next week. Concealed or wedges? I'll be with my wife and travelling by train. The wedges would be far more comfortable and I've worn them across London before, but again, I'll be meeting people I've known for a while, none of whom have seen me in heels. "Best practice" would be: You ought to confide in your line manager. Inform them you have found a way to ease a bad back, in the slightly unorthodox method of wearing a raised heel. Tell them you have some boots with concealed heel, but you have found it better for your feet to wear wedge sandals. Also say you have tried lifts in regular shoes, but these are uncomfortable, so you have resorted to women's shoes with a reasonable heel. Ask if there would be a problem (with them/the company) or would there likely be a problem with colleagues if you wore a wedge shoe. Assuming neither the company, the line manager, nor colleagues would have a problem, the door is "open". Some companies have rules on shoe types. A company I know won't let anyone walk around in open toes shoes, and much prefer employees to wear safety shoes - and in some areas, safety shoes are mandatory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 And speaking of "recent article", one I'm struggling to believe .... From >> here << From >> here << Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Yeah, it’s all very well to play at being offbeat and espousing noble causes, but this sort of thing is not part of their brief - they are being paid to espouse causes or take stands on social issues or make nice. They are police officers and should save that sort of thing for off-duty hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 14 minutes ago, Shyheels said: save that sort of thing for off-duty hours. As I'm sure many do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 47 minutes ago, FastFreddy2 said: As I'm sure many do. And quite right too, no doubt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puffer Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 8 hours ago, Shyheels said: Yeah, it’s all very well to play at being offbeat and espousing noble causes, but this sort of thing is not part of their brief - they are being paid to espouse causes or take stands on social issues or make nice. They are police officers and should save that sort of thing for off-duty hours. Indeed so. And I'll wager that anyone making a critical comment to or about any copper wearing heels or nail varnish will get his (or her) collar felt for an alleged 'hate crime'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 I’d be surprised. Guys wearing heels or nail varnish do not exactly have a strong constituency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 On 10/20/2017 at 3:23 PM, FastFreddy2 said: People who like to gossip, will gossip, it's what people do. Those who aren't phased by that sort of thing, will take it in their stride. "Best practice" would be: You ought to confide in your line manager. Inform them you have found a way to ease a bad back, in the slightly unorthodox method of wearing a raised heel. Tell them you have some boots with concealed heel, but you have found it better for your feet to wear wedge sandals. Also say you have tried lifts in regular shoes, but these are uncomfortable, so you have resorted to women's shoes with a reasonable heel. Ask if there would be a problem (with them/the company) or would there likely be a problem with colleagues if you wore a wedge shoe. Assuming neither the company, the line manager, nor colleagues would have a problem, the door is "open". Some companies have rules on shoe types. A company I know won't let anyone walk around in open toes shoes, and much prefer employees to wear safety shoes - and in some areas, safety shoes are mandatory. Fortunately I'm not an employee, so I'm not bound to any dress code. We are network marketers so self employed, and the company is fairly relaxed. I doubt anyone would be offended but even if they were there wouldn't be any disciplinary action. I'm wondering actually about wearing some cowboy boots with wide heels just under four inches. The reason I haven't worn them much is that they have very long toes, but actually those are back in fashion and they would mask the shortness of the foot in heels. I think my wife is OK with those. It's her day - she's collecting a car she's worked for for years. It has the company logo plus her own contact details, and is available via an extremely good lease agreement subsidised by the company. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted October 22, 2017 Report Share Posted October 22, 2017 9 hours ago, Russ in boots said: Fortunately I'm not an employee, so I'm not bound to any dress code. We are network marketers so self employed, and the company is fairly relaxed. I doubt anyone would be offended but even if they were there wouldn't be any disciplinary action. I hadn't considered for one second a line of 'disciplinary action' at all. It was more a line of garnering support to avoid or thwart the possibility of abuse or ridicule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted October 23, 2017 Report Share Posted October 23, 2017 OK. I don't think most people in the company are judgmental, and I don't really care about the rest. There will be a handful of close friends there, and several of the company top brass, one of whom I know quite well, but most of the rest are people I've never seen and likely won't see again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted October 30, 2017 Report Share Posted October 30, 2017 It went fine, as I thought it would. I wore my wedge boots (like my avatar only black) and I know several noticed them, but no comments, as usual. One guy we know quite well had a good view of them at close range, as a heel got stuck on the seat as I was trying to wiggle onto a bench right next to him (lunch was at a table with picnic-table-style seats). One interesting thing will be photos - will anyone comment that I'm suddenly taller than my wife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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