Tacchi Alti Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 5 minutes ago, Shyheels said: My wife was quite the rock chic back in her twenties and looked stunning. She still looks stunning although the rock chic look has long since evolved into other directions. She can't wear heels because of her foot troubles but has told me my four-inch stilettos were exactly what she would live to have herself if she could wear heels; although she also said that four inches was a bit high for her even back in the day. She is very open and understanding. You're extremely fortunate, and I'm sure you know it and appreciate it/her. I assume she's OK with you wearing stilettos in public? Mine draws the line at that but I'm very happy she agrees to us going out together with me in more restrained styles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) I am indeed very fortunate and I know it. I have no plans to wear my stilettos in public. I am fine with it personally (or would be once I can walk more fluidly!) but its would raise issues with friends and family (my wife's) and I would never do that. No man's an island - certainly not me. She is quite way with my low heeled suede otk boots though... Everybody is rather used to seeing me in those Edited January 17, 2018 by Shyheels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 I can empathise completely with the matter of friends and family, who are unlikely to understand, and I don't want to offend people I care about. Some know I wear them, and have never commented. My 16-year-old nephew stayed with us for a few days last year and I was determined not to let that make a difference, seeing it was my house. I wore my boots with concealed heels and I know he noticed because he glanced at my wife, then looked away, one time when I was kneeling down getting something out of a cupboard. The profile of the heel must have caught his eye, although they are amongst the most subtle styles I've seen. My wife told me that afterwards. Her attitude is that if I'm to wear heels I should be able to be open about it with everyone, so she couldn't complain about me wearing those boots nearly all the time while he was with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 5 minutes ago, Tacchi Alti said: My wife is a conundrum in that she's not interested in clothes although she has a good eye for coordination and style. She used to wear heels about 2.5 inches and still does occasionally, but she doesn't understand my love of wearing them. She hates clothes shopping. She gets most on Ebay. I have far more shoes than she does, and nearly all of them have higher heels than any of hers. I have more heels than flat shoes, and now rarely wear men's shoes apart from some Cuban heel loafers which have heels just under 2 inches. That doesn't sound much like a conundrum to me, more a natural movement most people make as they age. You wouldn't believe it of me now, but I used to be interested in the leading edge of fashion. Mrs Freddy too, has always had in interest in fashion, clothes shopping and wearing outfits she finds attractive. As I've become bigger (all over) and developed slightly saggy skin and some hair loss, I no longer feel inclined to dress in such a way as to draw attention to myself as I used to. It would be true to say I now dress much more conservatively than when in my late teens/early 20's. As with Mrs F, and other people of our age we know, most of the women/girls in my small social circle gave up heels in their early or late forties because the discomfort level outweighed what they perceived as 'benefit'. (To them in how they felt wearing them, or how it made them look to others.) I include one girl amongst those who is still slim/small enough to wear a heel all day (at circa 8st and a size 8-10) - if only her crippled feet would let her. Even Mrs Freddy who has always liked a heeled shoe, won't wear one if it's uncomfortable from the moment she puts it on. When these women were in their 20's, they doubtless tolerated pain (i) because they could and (ii) because it mattered to look as good as they could regardless to any discomfort. In later life, people are less tolerant of pain/discomfort, and are not so keen to show off any lumps and bumps they may have acquired leading up to their middle years. When I'm out with Mrs Freddy, we tend to walk quite a way (miles sometimes) and she really can't understand why I would want to do it in a heel, especially a high heel. It's a disappointment to me she doesn't wear a heel as she used to, but three accidents involving ankles and feet in the last 8-10 years means she struggles to tolerate wearing a heel now. She isn't 20 any longer, so I'm not overly surprised at this situation as much as I wish it wasn't so. I suppose I could trade-her-in for a younger model, but my family name isn't Trump or Jagger, and I'm several £millions shy of being of interest to a gold-digger otherwise. We compromise, in that I wear a heel as she doesn't. As much as I might portray otherwise (writing about heels on a men-wearing-heels forum), my relationship isn't just about heeled shoes, even if it sometimes plays a part in it. (Currently, about 3 or 4 hours a week.) Talking and living with someone my age with a similar background brings many comforting rewards. I'm aware, I have a great life with my wife. She's a keeper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 She does indeed sound like a keeper. Everybody would like to have the body they had in their twenties (although I would much rather have the maturity and wisdom I have now!) We all age...alas We bring our memories and experiences - and how nice its is to have someone there who knew just how it was way back when... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 2 minutes ago, Shyheels said: We bring our memories and experiences - and how nice its is to have someone there who knew just how it was way back when... I get a lot of mileage out of it.... When I was slim, a great dancer, dressed well, and had lots and lots of hair. (Crying over my lunch as I write.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 Yes, I used to be supremely fit - not quite in elite ranks for marathoning, but not a million miles from it either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyboot Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 I seem to be perpetually single. :-) So I don't have to worry about this topic. At the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 Single? I was born single! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 4 hours ago, pointyboot said: I seem to be perpetually single. :-) So I don't have to worry about this topic. At the moment. I had never been interested in marriage and/or interested in being a parent. I distinctly remember driving to work while approaching 40 years old thinking; "It's not to be." While I thought I might have 'missed out', certainly missed out finding someone I liked enough to want to spend the rest of my life with, apart from that I wasn't at all bothered. My life changed fairly soon after I had that thought. Weird. Not that I changed my mind about marriage, but Mrs Freddy hadn't been married before either, and I think it mattered to her. We had a proper church wedding with as many of her friends and family as we could muster. It was a good day, and one that provides her with memories, and an experience she thought she'd never get. Still one of the best things I've ever done (for someone else). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 I’ve been up the aisle twice. The first time didn’t take, but my second wife was the keeper! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 Other than someone paying me to marry for a passport, I won't be doing this again, under any circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 I’ve done my dash too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puffer Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 Wow! What a lot of interesting comment since I posted my tear-stained rant this morning! I should now perhaps set up the 'Puffer Persecution Fund' - all donations welcome and I expect a 'high yield' outcome. There is no obvious and truly practicable solution to my difficulty, but I don't want it to appear to be life-threatening. Wearing heels (or wearing or doing anything else considered 'unusual' for a man of my age/build/status) is not so important to me that it clouds my very existence or well-being. But being firmly told by my wife that I am perverted (or whatever) for expressing or pursuing such mild, harmless and essentially private interests is both demoralising and discomforting. I am not by nature an exhibitionist or even an extrovert, nor am I really gregarious; indeed, my background and upbringing is pretty conservative in most respects and I have never wanted to stand out in a crowd - especially as I am too tall to 'hide in plain sight'. Nor would I wish close family or friends to see me openly in the footwear I might wear from choice - and I have been (and am) careful to be discreet during my limited public excursions. As Grouch Marx wisely said: 'Marriage is a marvellous institution - but who wants to live in an institution? As both my first and my second marriages appear to have failed in most of their essential 'relationship' aspects (sons/stepsons aside) but have been pretty successful otherwise (i.e. materially and in terms of security and general comfort), I would be wrong to write-off the concept completely. But - and it is a big 'but' - my honest appraisal is that I would, on balance, have been better to remain both single and reasonably private/celibate, and thus able to lead a modest and quiet life of my own choosing. That, however, would have deprived me of the pleasure of being a father (and now grandfather) - but would I truly miss what I had never experienced? As seems to be the common experience of others, my wife has her own ideas of fashion and her age, activity and leg/foot health no longer involves any significant heel-wearing. She will wear modest heels, but only when she wants to and infrequently at that. More sadly, perhaps, she rarely bothers to 'dress up', even when occasion suggests (or requires) some effort in that direction and she has far more than her usual ten minutes of preparation time available. That saddens me, because although we don't go out together too often, it is good to use more formal excursions as an excuse to be and appear different from the all-too-familiar casual (aka sloppy) look that is the everyday fall-back of most of us these days, alas. Perhaps if my wife was more willing to adopt a more elegant/glamorous look on occasions (especially with heels), I would be less inclined to compensate by wanting to wear heels myself. Freddy rightly suggests above that I might be unwise to 'start to give [my wife] a real reason for criticism', as I stated earlier. What I really meant was that, faced with her apparently unshakeable belief that I have a number of unacceptable character defects, I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. No, I am not proposing to enter into an extra-marital relationship, fuelled by booze and hedonistic pleasures, but maybe spending a tad more selfish 'me-time' would be appropriate during my (rapidly) declining years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FastFreddy2 Posted January 17, 2018 Report Share Posted January 17, 2018 42 minutes ago, Puffer said: Freddy rightly suggests above that I might be unwise to 'start to give [my wife] a real reason for criticism', as I stated earlier. What I really meant was that, faced with her apparently unshakeable belief that I have a number of unacceptable character defects, I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. No, I am not proposing to enter into an extra-marital relationship, fuelled by booze and hedonistic pleasures, but maybe spending a tad more selfish 'me-time' would be appropriate during my (rapidly) declining years? Did I hear the sound of a penny dropping? Sooner or later we will all get the "3 months" or "6 months" notice of our demise, some will get less, and some none at all. With each passing day, that notice period looms closer whether we acknowledge it or not. After a lifetime of living with/for others, providing years of help/support and accumulated a useful legacy, what more needs to be done to qualify for "I want to do this - I will do this"? Short of a bully enjoying being a bully, why would anyone want to repress another person anyway? This situation goes beyond good/bad life choices. It goes beyond good/bad marriage. It's as basic as (personal) freedom to express a desire. In my mind, it's about free will. Is it there, or isn't it? In the situation -as described- seemingly not. An intolerable situation for (just about) anyone. I'm not necessarily advocating "amputation" as obvious a solution as it may seem, but plainly living a life under these circumstances is far from attractive. I have advocated getting some third party help as this is only avenue for a mutually agreeable compromise, failing that, a less happy future awaits for both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 18, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 Alas, we do not necessarily get the 3 months or 6 months notice which allows us - or would allow us - to prepare for our departure and do, in extremis, those things we longed to do, tick off the unchecked items on our bucket lists. Any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow or drop dead of some entirely unsuspected coronary trouble. And then it's age over. The end. No warning, no last minute chances to fulfil unrequited desire. It's over. There are absolutely no certainties in life and really the only way to life life is in the present - advice I am only too happy to give, agree with wholeheartedly, yet slow to follow myself, for all the usual fearful reasons and general procrastination. But it's true - there are no guarantees. We need to live our lives while we have them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puffer Posted January 18, 2018 Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 9 hours ago, FastFreddy2 said: Did I hear the sound of a penny dropping? ... Yes, and no. Again, I must clarify. I am not suggesting that I should now stick two fingers up at my wife (and much of the world) and wear heels etc with few inhibitions, or indeed carry on any other activity that might be deemed to impact adversely upon my marriage, household or family. But I don't rule out some mild 'putting my interests first' activity if the constraints imposed by others appear unduly intrusive. There is much in my life that I have achieved to a reasonable and acceptable standard - professionally, financially and personally. But I don't kid myself (or anyone else) that I have attained all my goals, or been as successful all-round as I should wish. And there is a fair list of things that I would like to do (or to have done) that are either now impossible (e.g. they no longer exist) or impracticable (e.g. because I lack the skill, time or essential facilities). Wearing heels is but a small part of my 'incomplete' list and I have to accept that it is increasingly unlikely to become adequately fulfilled, for the reasons already outlined and the inevitability of increasing physical constraints. Even if male heel wearing became a permanent and fully-accepted UK fashion/lifestyle in 2018, I would scarcely be helped as my wife, at least, would still condemn it - another example of double standards as she (like most women) will justify what she does and wears by stating 'it's the fashion' when it suits her. So, I reluctantly recognise that my situation is unlikely to change materially. I am not by nature a 'dabbler' as I like to do things properly or not at all. So, maybe the activities that are becoming more impracticable should be quietly abandoned before they involve even more disappointment and frustration - or disharmony. That has already effectively happened with one of my entrenched lifetime hobbies and is likely to happen with another pastime within a year or two. No, I am not throwing in the towel and sitting idle until my 'call-up papers' arrive, simply recognising that some pies in the sky are likely to remain unbaked (or should that be half-baked?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted January 18, 2018 Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 I've come to it over the last few years that I should worry less what people think of me. Someone once said, 'If someone wouldn't cry at your funeral why bother about their opinion?' It's a tightrope walk (in heels!) with self-fulfilment on one side and not wanting to cause offence on the other. As with all things, often we find the right balance (in heels!) a problem. I'm very fortunate in that my wife accepts the situation, and my mother and mother-in-law (both local) have never commented. One of my sons has definitely noticed my heels, and I'm pretty sure that when I visit my mother in her rest home the first thing most of the staff look at is my feet! I wore my concealed heels to my other son's house at Christmas, and took them off in the hall. (No shoes in the house, thank you!) He, his wife and her parents would have passed them, and I think they'd have noticed something 'unusual' about them. Incidentally, my daughter-in-law never wears heels, and neither do her mother or sister. I've found that the main thing is to act as though wearing heels is the most natural thing in the world and just be my usual self. The worst thing you can do is to look furtive and ashamed of what people might think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 18, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 I don't think anybody manages to fulfil all their dreams and the key to success and happiness is to appreciate what you have done/achieved, and recognise those aspirations which you have a reasonable shot at fulfilling and focus on those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 18, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 Furtiveness is never a good look... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 18, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 The anger and the personal jabs - pervert etc - would be something that I would have a very hard time dealing with and which would make me start looking for the exit; I don't see how one changes that. It is bullying. And while you can pursue you own 'me time' and do the things you want to do in the face of this hostility, I can't see much enjoyment or fulfilment coming from it in an atmosphere like that, which will only grown more heated the more independently you behave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted January 18, 2018 Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 29 minutes ago, Shyheels said: The anger and the personal jabs - pervert etc - would be something that I would have a very hard time dealing with and which would make me start looking for the exit; I don't see how one changes that. It is bullying. And while you can pursue you own 'me time' and do the things you want to do in the face of this hostility, I can't see much enjoyment or fulfilment coming from it in an atmosphere like that, which will only grown more heated the more independently you behave. As I said, I've never had that although I was expecting it. If anyone does comment or enquire, I have another reason for wearing heels apart from just liking them - they are good for my back. That should convert ridicule (thinking packs of teenagers) to sympathy if necessary! On the hhplace site there is someone who has a similar condition, and his philosophy is that as he has to wear them he might as well make the most of it, so he mostly wears stilettos. I love the thought of being in stilettos, and have worn them a few times in public, but I probably need to keep things in 'poor cripple' rather than 'look at me' mode if my backache reason is to be believable! Discretion is the better part of valour, and all that. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 18, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 Indeed, I have no immediate plans to take my stiletto wearing anywhere outside the house - eve if I wanted to, my skill level is such that I would only embarrass myself. I have been very fortunate in the my wife is quite tolerant and accepting. I cannot imagine the raw visceral hostility that Puffer describes.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tacchi Alti Posted January 18, 2018 Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 I have a pair of ankle boots with 4.5 inch block heels due to arrive today. I intend wearing them regularly as they are more masculine than most boots I've seen - slightly thicker (but not platform) sole and rounded toe. It's just that the separate heel is more visible than the wedge. I'll see what my wife thinks of them... 'ANOTHER pair of shoes!!!!' Actually, I got a pair the same a few weeks ago but kept them elsewhere. One of the zip tags broke the first time I tried to put them on as the zip was quite stiff, so I'll make sure I move it up and down a few times first to make it run more freely before I put the boots on. Unfortunately my favourite wedges are falling to bits - all four pairs of them! I snapped them up every time I saw a pair on Ebay. The synthetic uppers are cracking right across the toe on every pair. It's probable the material's got brittle with age, as the first pair were fine. The heels wore out before anything like that happened. I just cannot find a pair of 'masculine' wedges, boots or shoes, sufficiently high to replace them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyheels Posted January 18, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 Nice looking boots! As you say, the styling is quite masculine. I especially like the rounded toe - I am not a fan of pointy toes. The heels would be too high for me, but that's just me. I hope you enjoy them and get any mies of good use! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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