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radiodave

Telling the family...

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I have been pondering this. My folks are pretty old school, although they raised me to be very tolerant of others, even of folks who might be a bit unusual. I've worn heels in public, told my ex-wife about them shortly after we met, and yet, I've never told my family. My sisters might have their suspicions; my little sister actually asked if she could borrow a pair of sandals I used to wear which came out of the women's section, and one Halloween many years ago I tried on a pair of my older sister's heels, to which she gave me the "ew..." response. Otherwise, I've never told my folks, and I'm trying to decide if I should. My ex-wife and a priest friend of mine (whom I confided the heels to) think it's really none of their business. My friend the priest was cool with it, although his first reaction was "how do you even walk in them??".

I guess the main reason I ask is although they started out as more of a bedroom thing, I've realized they really are part of who I am, and I often wear them around the house. I've worn them in public several times, but I still feel like I have to hide them from my family. Last time my parents visited I had to round up and hide all the shoes, lest they walk past my bedroom and see that the cats have pulled the closet doors open.

So, does anyone have any thoughts? I feel like it would be a load off my shoulders if I could say "hey, I'm still your son (or brother), and I just happen to like wearing women's shoes". My guess is they might get a chuckle out of it, and I'm certain they aren't going to get all bent out of shape about it, but I guess I don't want to disappoint them. Maybe if I point out my ex (whom they liked very much) was OK with it, then maybe they will be more inclined to believe it's a harmless quirk.

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Last year I told my mother, and her only remark (which she repeats from time to time) is; "Why don't you wear them all the time?" :D My father will never find out though, if I have anything to do with it. That said, he's unknowingly seen me wearing them a number of times....

Sounds like you want to tell your famiy for a reason? Are you planning to start wearing them full-time?

Without lots of further background information, the best advice many of us could give, is to propose making a list of benefits vs drawbacks.

One drawback, has got to be 'disappointing' your parents, against their expectations. :cool: It's why I don't plan to tell my father.

I look forward to reading further responses, and news on any progress. :cool:

...

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Thanks Freddy, I wouldn't say I was planning to wear them full time, but I would like to wear them more often. Where I work I suspect heels wouldn't go over well, and there are friends I haven't told. I guess the main thing is not feeling like I have to hide it from them. Hopefully some others have some input too, but thanks for your advice.:D

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am my own person and nothing that my parents brothers and sisters could say

would stop me from wearing them!!

however personally would rather not let the family know unless like already mentioned you are planing on wearing heels permanently witch to me would be great however unpractical for work for me at least!!

again here is the other issue, with wifes if told with the right approach then they are much more likely to accept, then if they find out on their own!! maybe parents are the same, however we live with our wifes, and not our parents!! parents should not have to know, on the other hand that is who we are and why hide who we are!!

its a difficult one, self would not go out of my way to tell my family, however if they find out, would then cross the bridge and explain that is who I am!!

just my side of the story!!:-D

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a list of benefits vs drawbacks...

Well in my case:-

Benefits

Perhaps this one - some degree of relief in not having to be secretive about it anymore. i.e. since everyone knows, late-night only surfing of HHP, H4M, ebay shoe searching, etc. wouldn't be needed any more.

Also, there would be an (extremely slim) chance that I would be able to openly wear heels at home.

erm... uh... well... that's about it for benefits as far as I can see.

Drawbacks

There's just far too many to list

The decision to keep schtum is therefore a very easy one for me.

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Drawbacks

There's just far too many to list

The decision to keep schtum is therefore a very easy one for me.

I suspect that just about says it for most of us. :roll:

I've been thinking long and hard, but a job where wearing heels might seem almost 'normal' eludes me.....

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I have told some of my family about me wearing heels. They all know I used to were them when I was younger, so it wasn't much of a shock.

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I have told some of my family about me wearing heels. They all know I used to were them when I was younger, so it wasn't much of a shock.

Do you wear heels when they are around though?

I told my mother, purposely avoiding telling my father. Even then, I can only remember showing my mother my heels once or twice at best. It's a problem with me [shame/embararressment maybe] certainly not a problem for her. She's is happy to keep it quiet too, though doesn't understand why I don't wear them full-time. [bless her.]

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I do wear them in front of my family. Just the thicker heels though. If you mums ok with it you should wear them more often. I used to feel ashemed that I wanted to wear heels, but finding there were so many other men who like wearing heels helped me get over the embarresment. Thats when I started wearing heels to work etc.

Edited by hh4evr1

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I've said this a number of times, though now some time ago.....

The little money I do make, I get by selling via the internet. Sometimes face to face sales, but everything I sell is into a very macho environment. There is no way I could wear heels full-time, or around people when I sell.

My mother, though 80, still has a 30 a day smoking habit which pretty much keeps me from spending time with her. She's a bit fragile so doesn't get out much, and 2 minutes plus in her home means me and every bit of clothing I'm wearing needs washing as soon as I return home.

I try to do 'my bit' by wearing heels anytime I leave town, for shopping or entertainment. Maybe as I get older, I'll continue to get crankier, and worry even less about people who would scorn my dress sense. :rolleyes: But for now, I'm still compelled to confirm more than I would like.

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Even going out in heels a little will expose other to the idea of men wearing heels. It is similar to when I was a teenager and men started to wear earings. The more men wear heels in public the more society will get used to it and it may become common.

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To reply to fastfreddy2, I also work in a ery macho environment (Railway) where men are men and for anyone else its open hunting season and I totally agree that you cannot always wear what you want, there are times when conformity is a necessity. i went out dressed as Dorothy in red high heels with a local dance troupe charity night and we took the train, I still get comments about those shoes today., (Despite the blue and white check dress, wig,etc...)

And hh4evr1 I agree that the more men that wear heels in public the better it gets, but realistically for the 1000 men that think about wearing heels 1 probably does and only a fraction of them in public.

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And hh4evr1 I agree that the more men that wear heels in public the better it gets, but realistically for the 1000 men that think about wearing heels 1 probably does and only a fraction of them in public.

I think this is true, though I would place the starting figure at 10,000.

Liked the Dorothy story. :rolleyes: Those must have been some shoes! :huh:

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Just this week I had some shoes that I had brought awhile ago, but decided I didn't like them as much as when I initial got them, so I gave them to my sister (as we are the same size). She took them home and told her daughter that I had given them to her and that I like to wear heels. Her daughter thinks its strange. She hasn't told her fiance as he is very much against men who are not what society considers normal.

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Just this week I had some shoes that I had brought awhile ago, but decided I didn't like them as much as when I initial got them, so I gave them to my sister (as we are the same size). She took them home and told her daughter that I had given them to her and that I like to wear heels. Her daughter thinks its strange. She hasn't told her fiance as he is very much against men who are not what society considers normal.

I think you did well to give some heels away. I struggle even with boots that I will or could never wear ..... unsure.gif

As for someone being against what society considers normal ..... On a higher level, my immediate [intellectual] response is, "Wouldn't the world be a much duller place if everyone conformed?" (To their respective stereotype). On a more basic personal level, I wonder what future your niece has with a man who at such a young age, has already decided what is and what isn't acceptable to him. I'm doubtless twice his age, and still don't feel the need to find the sexual peculiarities between consenting adults either distasteful or shocking.

In fact I'm often disappointed to find out how similar we all are. [Men as men, women as women.] But without this, the phrase 'stereotype' couldn't exist I suppose. biggrin.gif

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I may have been unclear in my wording. My sisters fiancee is the one who has a the attitude of men wearring "womens" things is wrong etc .

The heels I gave away were some of my impulse buys, only to discover they were not really what I wanted.

My neice has seen me on the high heel meeting place before, I will just have to wait and see if she mentions/questions me about my wearing/liking heels.

Giving some of the ones I didn't like that much makes more room for ones I really like.

Edited by hh4evr1

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I may have been unclear in my wording. My sisters fiancee is the one who has a the attitude of men wearring "womens" things is wrong etc .

Ah..... mellow.gif Understood.

Bit more understandable, as he's likely to be a bit older. Shame though. If I remember your sister isn't bothered and it must help having acceptance in the family?

My neice has seen me on the high heel meeting place before, I will just have to wait and see if she mentions/questions me about my wearing/liking heels.

I guess she's been directed there, perhaps by you or your sister? Brave move. cool.gif

Back to giving away the 'less interesting' styles ..... I conservatively estimate I have perhaps 30 pairs which fit that criteria .... And maybe the wrong side of £500's worth of investment. rolleyes.gif Whenever I look, I'm always stunned by how many pairs of shoes and boots I have. Only a few styles I don't really like, but many more that either don't fit [too small or too large] and some wholly impractical. Some 5 1/2" high Pleaser stiletto's for example. Where could I wear them, even if they stayed on my feet? sad.gifbiggrin.gif Same with some iconic Diesel 'zipper' stiletto's [that again don't stay on my feet!] A shame as their easy to walk in and deserve to be seen out. Hey-ho. unsure.gifbiggrin.gif

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